The Creative Seed

Laura found prospective board member's with one call to a fellow client. Belgrave, who was sure his friend's didn't have any concealed resources, discovered his friend's wife managed major celebrities and was willing to set up an interview. David found that his friend's agents and casting director referrals plus his consistent rounds and phone calls yielded prompt interviews and auditions for major film and TV series. (see "Squeaky Wheel" article.)

Bernice found her dissertation more easily accomplished when she shared her home with a friend working on a writing project. Greg asked a fellow actor in his current production to be his coaching partner. (A fellow client relationship augments the coaching relationship with support, resources and tasks). Greg said, "... during all this time we've been working together on "external" things- this phone call, that round, this meeting, that work habit, without my even noticing it, we have become much more intimate friends. And we've accomplished stuff to boot! Recently Greg ran into an old friend on the subway. He said, he'd been having a lot of career building meetings with agents and casting directors and then surprised himself by asking for a referral right then, which he immediately obtained. He told me later, "It was so easy. I could do this all the time."

So, why don't we do it all the time?

1. WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR NO.

We're afraid of the rejection. We don't want to know that they think we're not ready, willing or able enough to give us the referral, encouragement, or play on our team.

So, what's the worst thing that could happen? They won't work with you? They're not working with you now. Everyone's got an opinion and as difficult as it may be, everyone's not going to love your work. Heck, much of the world may not love your work. Many artists including Vincent Van Gogh were not appreciated in their time. You're going to have to be your own best fan to thrive in our competitive culture.

Being willing to hear "no" allows you some great benefits. First, you can get feedback and evaluate the need for development. Second, you can stop "waiting" for this person to help you and move onto someone else. Third, you will be more relaxed and confident. People will not be distracted from helping you, by the need for validation humming in the background. Fourth, you can get a "yes". If you haven't popped the question, they're not engaged.

2. IT'S CHEATING (TOO EASY) TO GET HELP. WE SHOULD "TOUGH IT OUT" ALONE.

We're afraid of appearing needy or desperate. I often call this the "High Noon" Trap. We think we have to stand on a silent, dusty road, gun at our hip ready to do battle with the business. On the contrary, we want to get people talking. If no one heard of George's distress (It's a Wonderful Life), he wouldn't have come home to a chorus of Auld Ang Syne, baskets full of money and a room full of hugs. Every business runs on relationships. Don't you want to help your friends? If you needed a plumber and your friend was a talented plumber, would you hesitate to use him? People helping one other is a fun way to do business.

Why not take the easy way out? Wouldn't you rather move on to sharing your gift, than doing cold calls?

We're afraid we'll ruin the relationship. We'll feel too uncomfortable with the "no" between us to continue the relationship. Don't you think the "unasked question" is an energy drain on the relationship? Sharing your gift or ambition and their ability to help you provides an opportunity for intimacy. Give yourself and them some credit in being able to handle the truth.

Your potential advocate may believe you don't want their help, that you're uncomfortable showing your stuff. They may wonder, if you haven't asked, if you're ready to put yourself out there professionally. I can't tell you how many times, clients have asked old friends and current clients for help and been surprised when they got it.

Oi. As Dr. Seuss says in The Places You'll Go, the waiting place is a most useless place... waiting...for the phone to ring, or the snow to snow, or waiting around for a "Yes" or "No" or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

We're waiting till we know them better, they're through moving, or we've logged enough dinner dates. Or sometimes we figure it will never be the right time. It's been too long or there's irreparable damage.

I say, seize the moment. Start with wherever you are in the relationship. Use this as an opportunity to clean up the mess, (can't get much worse), get closer, reacquainted or reunited. Here are some examples of openers:

Hi Barb. This is Penelope Brackett. Have you recovered from the shock? It must be 10 years. I definitely wondered if it was too late to resume the relationship. But I've got to tell you, I'm starting this new business and I just kept thinking about how impressed I've been by your business and I figured you'd be a great help and it would be a good excuse for getting back together.

Gosh I hardly know you, but I'm totally charged by your business savvy. Can we get together for coffee to brainstorm new directions for my business?

I've gotten incredible feedback and some dollars promised for the project, but we need some big bucks to take us to the next level. Mom, you know I'm cruising for board members. What family or family friends can you hit up as candidates? (What are Moms for?)

I'm going to jump to the big favor I called about so I don't lose my nerve and we can chat later. I'm renewing an industry push. You've got some incredible contacts I would love to meet. Can you walk me in the door a couple of places?

As the song says, "if it feels this good being used, you just keep on using me, until you use me up". Bridget regularly donates platelets. She received a call recently that she was the perfect donor for a woman suffering from cancer and a request to be "used", that is, donate more platelets. She felt "chosen", absolutely blessed to be able to give a life giving part of herself.

Give people the opportunity to be of use. It's okay for them to say "no". When you are clear about the gift you have to offer, whether it be your acting or financial services, you give them the chance to use your service and/or turn on a valued friend or associate to them. Plus, they have the good karma of giving someone a hand up and the model for asking something they want for themselves. Believe me everyone needs support.

Note: Be prepared to manage them. Don't wait to hold it against them if they don't do as they promised. Assume you'll have to manage them in the task.

Here's some management dialogue:

Hey, I want to call those two prospective clients you mentioned. Can you give them a call and call me right back on the scoop. Thanks. I'll definitely follow up on that manager. Can you a place a call while I'm here in the office and then I'll follow up as soon as I get back to my place.

1. ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE. ASK. (The more you ask, the easier it gets).
2. BE WILLING TO HEAR "NO", SO YOU'LL HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO HEAR "YES". ASK.
3. TAKE THE EASY AND EFFECTIVE WAY IN. ASK.
4. MAKE IT CLEAR YOU'RE READY, WILLING AND ABLE. ASK.
5. IT'S ALWAYS THE RIGHT TIME. ASK.
6. PUT PEOPLE TO USE. ASK.

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